I Can't Think of a Good Name for My Ukulele...

I've been playing my ukulele pretty consistently since I got it for my birthday a month ago.  With a full-time job, I don't have the kind of time writing, practicing, and socializing requires.  I have to pick and choose.  This is why I've fallen behind on my blogs.  I feel guilty for always choosing my ukulele, especially in regards to my vegan blog because I care so much about it.  It's just that I come home from work feel completely deflated.  Once I come through my bedroom door, I put my things down, I instinctively find myself reaching for my uke.  As I play though the song I worked on the night before to see what stuck, my uneasiness from work dissipates and I feel ok again.  Then I shower, eat, catch up on online stuff, find a new song to try, sleep, and everything starts over again.

Despite the ukulele's happy-go-lucky image, I can't help but feel hardcore as I push on my calluses at my cash register at work.   

Paper or Plastic?

Last year at this time, I was awarded a piece of paper that says I went somewhere, learned a bunch of stuff, and paid a bunch of money.  Since this time, I have been paying back a lot of this money (though I've barely dented the debt).

I've been working shit jobs for a little over a year now.  Other people can do it and I think no less of them.  It's a different kind of smart that allows a person to just be content.  A different kind of smart that escapes me.  Some of my co-workers have been asking "paper or plastic?" for 12 + years.  I can't do this though.  These jobs tear at me.  This sounds over-dramatic and it is.  I know that things could be much worse.  I just wish I could be creating something meaningful or helpful.  I feel worthless knowing that I am contributing so little to the world.  I have so much enthusiasm, intelligence, creativity, and kindness, that I know I could give much more.  I deserve more too.  Not necessarily money though, I'd take it.   

"I'm just scared that it's not going to get any better than this."  ~ Edward D. Wood Jr. ~ Ed Wood