Paper or Plastic?

Last year at this time, I was awarded a piece of paper that says I went somewhere, learned a bunch of stuff, and paid a bunch of money.  Since this time, I have been paying back a lot of this money (though I've barely dented the debt).

I've been working shit jobs for a little over a year now.  Other people can do it and I think no less of them.  It's a different kind of smart that allows a person to just be content.  A different kind of smart that escapes me.  Some of my co-workers have been asking "paper or plastic?" for 12 + years.  I can't do this though.  These jobs tear at me.  This sounds over-dramatic and it is.  I know that things could be much worse.  I just wish I could be creating something meaningful or helpful.  I feel worthless knowing that I am contributing so little to the world.  I have so much enthusiasm, intelligence, creativity, and kindness, that I know I could give much more.  I deserve more too.  Not necessarily money though, I'd take it.   

"I'm just scared that it's not going to get any better than this."  ~ Edward D. Wood Jr. ~ Ed Wood

Wood You Come to My Birthday?

Yesterday was my birthday.  I turned 24 and had a wonderful time in the process.

For one thing, I finally have a full-time job!  I now work at grocery 
store that is a 7-minute walk from my house.  Everyone I have worked with so far is very nice and I'm glad that I will at last be able to have some stability.  I even get paid every week instead of every other week.  When I first thought of working at South Square, I thought how the job would offend my vegan-self.  I still have these thoughts.  You should see me as I gingerly pick up the very tips of a cheese or meat package to scan it.  I also worry about how my paycheck is partially coming from animal exploitation.  It's not an ideal job for me in this respect but the way things have been for about a year now, I've barely been getting by.  I've been surviving more than living but this is more than I can say for the animals' whose body parts and products I slide across my scanner and announce the price of.  What would my thighs go for?  What about my life?

Sadly, the job that I was barely getting by with ended and I needed another job.  This was the first one that I could find that would pay my bills.  I will continue to look for better options for me but in looking at the situation as it is, I see an excellent opportunity to do some activism.  Here I am, being presented with pieces of people's lives.  I recently listened to a debate between Gary Francione and Erik Marcus and Gary mentioned he always starts the conversation by asking about people's pets.  At my job, I'm ringing up their cat and/or dog food.  What a perfect lead in!  I've ordered some free business cards for The Abolitionist Approach and as soon as I'm finished my training I'm going to start talking to people about veganism and giving them cards at the end of our conversations.  I'll probably get myself into some kind of trouble but as long as I'm not selling anything, I don't see what's so wrong about having a conversation made relevant by a person's pets.  So, I'll see.

For my birthday, I worked and then I went back to my apartment where my boyfriend was waiting for me.  He got me tasty vegan pizza and a delicious vegan dessert.  After eating, he gave me a present which was a ukulele!  How exciting!

Then, I dragged my roommates, friends, and boyfriend to Woody's, a wonderful, gay bar and I think that everyone had a good time.  I had a good time.  Sunday is 80's night meaning some drinks are 80 cents and there is lots of 80's music.  I love Woody's!  Everyone there is so full of joy and there's so much love in the room!  This sounds corny but I don't care.

Oh, and P.S. I got a popcorn maker as a birthday gift!  Hooray!  The lid turns into a bowl!

A Fall Wedding

Two Fridays ago, I went to my old roommate's wedding in New York. I remember when she first texted me, "I'm engaged!"  When we got back from our break she told me she planned to have the wedding on November 5th, 2010. It seemed so far away!

Murphy's Law kept me being at the wedding on time. I sidled in as Ava Maria was being sung. I sat in the back so my heels wouldn't interrupt.

I sat watching my roommate's life changing and the moment felt so precious and special. Soon, she and her husband walked together down the aisle and everyone was smiling but most of all them.  I was so happy for her. The closer she got to me the more I teared up. She was so pretty and so happy and so deserving. It's hard to describe to someone who doesn't know her how much she deserves blissful happiness other to say that when I think of the description "good person" I always think of her.

As everyone exited the church they all hugged and congratulated Christina and Michael.  As I hugged her she said, "Amy! I can't believe you made it to the church! Thank you!"

Then finally, I met her family. I had heard so much about all of them already over the two years that she and I shared our cozy apartment. Her sisters, her brother, her aunts and uncles. I shook hands and hugged her Aunt Nina and her husband. They told me that they had heard a lot about me and I said the same. I told them, "My mom and dad met in India too!" because Christina had told me their story of meeting on a train there. Looking around at everyone happily chatting in a mixture of Italian and English I felt like I had been placed inside a painting. I had been imagining everyone from Christina's stories for so long and now they were all here and the moment was so perfect.

After a short wait at Christina's family's house, my boyfriend and I headed to the reception. Tables and tables of food were set out. The staff mentioned that there was going to be a cocktail hour but there was so much to eat I thought that this couldn't possibly count as cocktail hour. I dug in. It was 6 pm and I hadn't eaten yet. Eventually, I asked one of the staff members if this was just cocktail hour. She laughed and said, "Yeah." Oops.  Luckily, I can eat most people under the table.

At 7 pm music started to play in the next room, curtains opened up and everyone went inside. The room was beautiful and the centerpieces were lovely. I remember Christina talking to me about how important it was to her to have nice centerpieces.

I forgot my camera so you must adore this picture instead of one from the actual wedding. 

The rest of the night was full of music, dancing, and food. Despite my meal before dinner, I believe I was the only one at the table to finish my every course put in front of me. Everything I ate was delicious, vegan, and a welcome change from pasta and rice and beans. There were also a few speeches. Christina's twin sister talked about how shy Christina usually was around new people but when she first met Michael (9 years ago!) she would not shut up!

A good time was had by all. I was happy to see Christina so happy. People came from everywhere to see the wedding (California, Venezuela, and even Philly) and that is a testament to what good people Christina and Michael are.

On the drive back, my boyfriend and I sang very loudly with the car radio. It was quite a Journey.

I Fall Behind

This week, my work world was changed when the work computer was taken away.  As a result, my blogging fell behind this week leaving me to feel...unexpressed.

At my current job, I sit at a desk waiting for people to come inside so I can greet them.  If no one comes in, which happens more minutes than not, I spend my time looking for new jobs and blogging.  Or at least I use to.  Now I am given projects to busy myself.  I understand, I get it.  If I'm at work, I should be working.  But, the other part of working should be being able to pay for basic, necessary things like housing, bills, and food.  Since these needs are not being met, I find myself resenting my new busy work.  I shouldn't have to busk to pay for groceries and bills on time.  Not when I'm working 4 days a week with a college degree and college loans to pay back.

Luckily, I'm going to New York this week to hopefully fix this situation.  I hope that my prospects can work out.  If not, I maybe heading home soon.  I'm getting tired to barely making it.