Sigh.

Feeling a bit like Sisyphus. 

The most notable thing I did this week was think.  Maybe I shouldn't think too much.  In this week's case, more than anything, I feel like a failure.

I've been a college graduate for nearly a year now and I don't feel any closer to my goals now than I was a year ago. 

Feeling a bit like Rob Gordon.  

More importantly to me, I've been vegan for almost one year (January 8th, 2010) and I haven't got even one person to go vegan.  Not one person!  Not my family, not my friends, and not any strangers.

I am hereby claiming responsibility for this year's failures.  I didn't get anyone to go vegan this year because I wasn't confident enough when I talked to people about it, if I was brave enough to talk to them at all.  I didn't want to offend anyone and I didn't want to seem like I was looking down on anyone.  As a result, I have not contributed at all to "the shift of the paradigm" as Gary Francione puts it.  I have also been lazy this year and this the biggest contributor to my unhappiness in the personal and professional sense as well as my lack in vegan conversions.  I need to seize every career opportunity.  I also need to grab every chance to talk to others about veganism because this kind of every day activism is the right thing to do.  Only by practicing every day does a person become an expert and if I could be an expert vegan activist, I would be happy.  Also, I need to make up my mind to be happy.  I need to do all of these things and I will.  

Dear Mr. President Obama,

I understand that our country is facing problems and it is my belief that you are trying you best to fix things.  Regardless of demanding critics, I do not blame you for all of our countries problems.  They are our problems and I think that we should all make contributions to fix them.  It is my hope that we all remain faithful that things will get better, that we think of ways to make improvements, and we all work hard to move towards these practical solutions. 

I am 23-years-old, and like many people age I am experiencing problems finding a job that is worth my college education which I must now pay back.  Also like many people my age, my ideas may go unnoticed but that doesn't mean that my ideas have to go completely unseen.

As a recent college graduate, the only jobs easily available to me are part-time jobs with limited hours, low pay, and zero benefits.  I would like to respectfully suggest that you offer businesses tax incentives to hire more people full-time.  It appears that without such encouragement, businesses hire many compromised people.  As a result, only the businesses' needs are being met and the workers are exploited.  I feel that it is better to hire a few people who can make a living than to hire several struggling people and force them to keep struggling.  I think that many of the problems the country faces could be fixed if more businesses shared my feelings.

Another idea I have is you could require colleges to meet a higher percentage of employment rate in the recently graduated alumni.  I have found that my college degree left me less than prepared for the "real world" and worse than that, my college has been useless in helping me to find a job.  With the right motivation, I believe colleges will work harder to make sure students are prepared as possible to face the work force.  As things are currently, colleges adhere to the "take the money and run" policy.   

I am proud to be part of a generation that brought you to office and I am proud to call you my president.  I am not proud however, to be working in dead-end retail jobs and having to borrow money to pay my bills.  I'm willing to work hard if businesses would give me that chance.  While I am not an expert or an official advisor, I am a hopeful American and I hope you will consider my suggestions.  

Sincerely,
Amy

A Fall Wedding

Two Fridays ago, I went to my old roommate's wedding in New York. I remember when she first texted me, "I'm engaged!"  When we got back from our break she told me she planned to have the wedding on November 5th, 2010. It seemed so far away!

Murphy's Law kept me being at the wedding on time. I sidled in as Ava Maria was being sung. I sat in the back so my heels wouldn't interrupt.

I sat watching my roommate's life changing and the moment felt so precious and special. Soon, she and her husband walked together down the aisle and everyone was smiling but most of all them.  I was so happy for her. The closer she got to me the more I teared up. She was so pretty and so happy and so deserving. It's hard to describe to someone who doesn't know her how much she deserves blissful happiness other to say that when I think of the description "good person" I always think of her.

As everyone exited the church they all hugged and congratulated Christina and Michael.  As I hugged her she said, "Amy! I can't believe you made it to the church! Thank you!"

Then finally, I met her family. I had heard so much about all of them already over the two years that she and I shared our cozy apartment. Her sisters, her brother, her aunts and uncles. I shook hands and hugged her Aunt Nina and her husband. They told me that they had heard a lot about me and I said the same. I told them, "My mom and dad met in India too!" because Christina had told me their story of meeting on a train there. Looking around at everyone happily chatting in a mixture of Italian and English I felt like I had been placed inside a painting. I had been imagining everyone from Christina's stories for so long and now they were all here and the moment was so perfect.

After a short wait at Christina's family's house, my boyfriend and I headed to the reception. Tables and tables of food were set out. The staff mentioned that there was going to be a cocktail hour but there was so much to eat I thought that this couldn't possibly count as cocktail hour. I dug in. It was 6 pm and I hadn't eaten yet. Eventually, I asked one of the staff members if this was just cocktail hour. She laughed and said, "Yeah." Oops.  Luckily, I can eat most people under the table.

At 7 pm music started to play in the next room, curtains opened up and everyone went inside. The room was beautiful and the centerpieces were lovely. I remember Christina talking to me about how important it was to her to have nice centerpieces.

I forgot my camera so you must adore this picture instead of one from the actual wedding. 

The rest of the night was full of music, dancing, and food. Despite my meal before dinner, I believe I was the only one at the table to finish my every course put in front of me. Everything I ate was delicious, vegan, and a welcome change from pasta and rice and beans. There were also a few speeches. Christina's twin sister talked about how shy Christina usually was around new people but when she first met Michael (9 years ago!) she would not shut up!

A good time was had by all. I was happy to see Christina so happy. People came from everywhere to see the wedding (California, Venezuela, and even Philly) and that is a testament to what good people Christina and Michael are.

On the drive back, my boyfriend and I sang very loudly with the car radio. It was quite a Journey.

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

I asked people all day if they had ever seen this show and no one had. 

Last Wednesday I woke up at 4am so I could be an extra in a movie called SAFE.  The day was well worth the lack of sleep.  Once I got dressed and made up, I put an extra outfit in my bag with some heels and a book, and started walking towards Chinatown.  The other times I got up at this time this year were to go to New York City and to help my friends shoot a movie.  I really like the city at this time.  It's really beautiful and still.  It feels like it's waiting patiently for the day to start.

Once I got to Club Shampoo, I made my way to the basement where many other Asians were waiting in two lines.  One line was to check-in.  The other was to be checked by wardrobe.  In line, I chatted with someone who was an extra as a part-time job.  She was nice enough but she liked to talk in a baby voice and I found this unsettling and strange.  After I checked-in, I got in the second line.  When the woman from wardrobe checked my outfit out she seemed displeased.  I wore the shortest dress I had which was a fitting floral print dress that I bought from the store that I now work at.  I bought it because it reminded me of the 60's.  I wore my seamed stockings with it.  I showed the wardrobe woman what else I had.  I refer to this other dress as my "Conan" dress because the first time I wore it, it was to see Conan O'Brien on his tour.  I love him (and his new show starts tonight.  He could be shooting it right now!)  The wardrobe woman didn't like my Conan dress either.  She flipped through some dresses on the rack, holding a few up to decide.  She handed me a silver sequined dress to try on.  I would never wear the dress on my own but I wasn't self-conscience in it either.  She liked it and asked me to take off my stockings.  I resisted the urge to turn around and go, "But they're seamed!  Like Marylin Monroe in Some Like It Hot!"  I always think of her when I put them on.

Before going upstairs, a large man with a booming voice explained what was happening scene we would be shooting.  We were all dancing and having a good time at a club in China when the cops and the main character bust in.  A shootout goes down and chaos ensues.  The guy seemed nice but at the same time intimidating.  He had a Papa Bear-like quality.  I would also compare him to John Goodman.  Soon, I decided I would ask him how to get a job behind the scenes.

 As we go upstairs, I feel a sense of plainness.  Where I grew, there were hardly any other Asians, even within my own family.  Around other Asians I feel left out because of my distance from my culture.  I also feel less special.  To be around 150 other Asians I feel out of place and just a part of the crowd all at once.  As we are split up into sections and as I am asked to take off my glasses, I wonder if our looks have anything to do with our segregation.  I doubt it, but once the thought crossed my mind, I decide that I am average-looking and am mostly unbothered by this.

We start to rehearse our panic scene.  I look around at all the equipment and crew naming things and crew members in my head to reassure myself that my film degree and special feature watching hasn't gone completely to waste.

After an hour or so of arranging and rehearsing, the director decided that we're ready to roll.  Soon, I hear an authoritative accented-voice behind me.  The man asks, "Can I have a really loud action please?"  We do the scene a few times.  There are fake guns and some screams.  Everyone seems to be having a good time.  The crew thanks us and sends us back downstairs for awhile where we fill out some paperwork so we can get paid.  While this is going on, I approach the John Goodman-like guy and ask about getting a job.  His name is David and I wasn't wrong about him seeming nice.  He is helpful and inviting and tells me he will introduce me to Liam later in the day.

Content with this step in the right direction, I sit with the other extras.  The one who talks like a baby, two girls my age, and two older woman who are with their teenage sons are all casually chatting.  The question of age comes up  At this question, "Baby" pouts and looks down, whining, "Won't tell!"  To this, one of the older women says, "It's no big deal.  Guess how old I am!"  We all guess in the 30's and she states, "I'm 50-years-old!  See?  No big deal!"
"How do you look so young?"  One of the girls asks.
"Jesus Christ," she flatly answers. 
I reached for my Gene Wilder book at this point.  As I started reading, this woman starts to ask our table if we know about the savior Jesus Christ.  I am holding my in front face like a shield.  Gene's strawberry blond Jew-fro served me well.

We break for lunch and I choose my food carefully because it's hard for me to tell what may use butter or other non-vegan things.  I got some salad, grilled veggies, and fruit.

Soon, we go back upstairs to run back and forth.  By this time, many people seem disenchanted with being an extra because by this time they've been talking downstairs for a good hour and a half and would prefer to do that.  For me, I am convinced that I am not good at talking to new people but I could be good at doing these jobs around if I created the chance for myself.  For the first time in a long time, I feel reassured that I went to school for the right thing.

Hours go by, we scatter, stand, and wait.  We are sent downstairs and up again a few more times.  I made an effort to pay attention to what the crew was doing and talk to them when possible.  I am introduced to Liam who tells me to talk to him at the end of the day.  Jason Statham makes a few more appearances as he is needed and the girls around me gushed quietly to one another.  I don't see it.  Statham's no David Bowie.

We are sent downstairs a little before 7 pm and soon we are told that we can go home.  Just a 13-hour shoot.

I got dressed out of my slutty dress and into my street clothes.  I didn't care for asking for a job in club-wear.  I walked upstairs and waited to the side until it looked like Liam could be bothered.  As I waited, Jason Statham walked by, stretching his face in a way that I have been imitating to my friends since.  Liam gave me his number and told me to text him the following morning about getting a PA (Production Assistant) job.  Mission Accomplished.      

Conan's back!

Rally to Restore Sanity and Practice Patience

 A time line of Saturday's adventures:

6:45 - Woke up
7:30 - Picked up
7:50 - Picked up my sister and a friend
8:30 - Played with my friend's iPad
11:30 - Parked and started waiting in line for the subway
1:03 - Got on the subway
1:30 - Got off the subway and started walking towards the mall
2:00 - Sort of settled where we could see a TV, cool signs, and costumes
3:00 - Started to head back
4:00 - Back at the car
7:30 - Back where I started

In looking at the time line, it may seem like I waited around a lot which is true but it was good time regardless.  So many different people, the signs were clever, costumes were creative, and the weather was devine.  Just a perfect day standing around and moving a few feet every few minutes.  I brought food with me and I wore my red feather boa usually designated for Rocky Horror.  Money is tight and I can't go to the show but I still wanted to get one solid day of boa wearing in this year. 

At the rally, I couldn't see Colbert or Stewart but we could hear them with the help of the temperamental speakers.  My favorite things of the day were spending time with people I don't spend enough time with and the weather.  I also found the turn out encouraging in terms of people who are for sanity.  I also liked going to say that I went.

Another great part of the day was a thrift store I applied to called me back to setup an interview!  I hope I get the job because I genuinely love the store and I genuinely need a job.