Sigh.

Feeling a bit like Sisyphus. 

The most notable thing I did this week was think.  Maybe I shouldn't think too much.  In this week's case, more than anything, I feel like a failure.

I've been a college graduate for nearly a year now and I don't feel any closer to my goals now than I was a year ago. 

Feeling a bit like Rob Gordon.  

More importantly to me, I've been vegan for almost one year (January 8th, 2010) and I haven't got even one person to go vegan.  Not one person!  Not my family, not my friends, and not any strangers.

I am hereby claiming responsibility for this year's failures.  I didn't get anyone to go vegan this year because I wasn't confident enough when I talked to people about it, if I was brave enough to talk to them at all.  I didn't want to offend anyone and I didn't want to seem like I was looking down on anyone.  As a result, I have not contributed at all to "the shift of the paradigm" as Gary Francione puts it.  I have also been lazy this year and this the biggest contributor to my unhappiness in the personal and professional sense as well as my lack in vegan conversions.  I need to seize every career opportunity.  I also need to grab every chance to talk to others about veganism because this kind of every day activism is the right thing to do.  Only by practicing every day does a person become an expert and if I could be an expert vegan activist, I would be happy.  Also, I need to make up my mind to be happy.  I need to do all of these things and I will.  

Neither Here Nor There

In short, New York didn't happen.  I could go into deeper details but I don't want to repeat mistakes from my past and have a bunch of people angry at me.  Least of all myself.  I want to learn from my mistakes.

For a week, I believed and acted like I was moving away.  My plans seemed so sudden and daringly incomplete.  Things seemed too good to be true and at the same time I had vexing mixed feelings.

I knew that I would miss numerous small things and more obviously ones like, friends, family, and roommates.  The place I have been trying to leave for over a year now isn't so bad after all.  It just feels the same.  And this gives me feelings of restless. Sigh...I'm such an INFP...


"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
                                                                                 ~ Marcel Proust