This time last year, I was working a real shit job. Now, I'm in a much better place and it seems even brighter when I think about a little place called Greene Street Consignment Shop.
I always loved Greene Street Consignment Shop. It's on South Street in Philadelphia, PA. Because I don't like supporting sweatshops, I'm always short on dough, and I like money going to little people as opposed to big companies, I loved giving my money to GSCS. I have the ability to be a snazzy dresser and whenever I would get a compliment on a Greene Street find I was wearing, I would tell the person where I got in hopes they would spend their money at this place rather than a-supposed-more exploitative place.
Around this time last year, I believed I was moving to NYC to a new job. I put my two week's notice at my used bookstore job, and I prepared to leave. Then my plans changed. I felt too sheepish to ask for my job back though I imagine I could have gotten it. So, I found another job at GSCS. Just a couple days after placing my application, I was invited for an interview and I got the job on the spot. I started training that day. Upon being accepted as an employee, I was told I would be given 30-40 hours week. Fantastic.
The next day of work, I went about my duties, in just a few minutes I was pulled aside by my new boss, the woman who hired me, and she told me, "The other girls (my co-workers) say you're slow."
"They say what?"
"They say you're slow. I'm going to have to cut your hours to 20-25 hours a week."
"Oh... Well, I'll need a set schedule so I can work another job then."
"That's fine."
We decided on a few days a particularly week. I remember leaving the conversation confused and in slight shock. It was only my second day. And it was within the first hour of my second day. Who the hell was saying I'm slow? I was only working with three people. I'm not completely out of tune to gossip. I've sensed it before and been right. This didn't make sense. Still, I judged my co-workers as most-to-least likely to snip about me to the boss and considered the most-likely to not be my friend anymore. I made up my mind to kill this non-friend with kindness because I thought it would accomplish more than any alternative. A year later, I think this is a waste of time. If someone's going to talk behind your back, they're going to talk about your back no matter what. Making an effort to be nice to them will only make you resent them. I don't know where I learned this but I knew then that I would have to look for a second job or a new job entirely when I got home. I was running out of food.
At home, as I slowly ate my rationed cup-and-a-half of plain white rice, I searched for other jobs, thinking that my best bet, would be in Philly's up-and-coming vegan-fare. I started skeletons of cover letters and resumes. I would perfect them the following day.
The next day, I went to GSCS. Among the first things I noticed was the schedule. I was set to work a day I told my boss I could not work. In short, I was pissed. I went to work with some odd job. Probably steaming clothes to get all the wrinkles out. An hour or so into my task, my boss "let me have it" about how I was doing my task. I don't remember if this was because of my speed, supposed-quality, or something else entirely, but I do remember that this must have been my 6th or 7th day in a row of having just plain white rice to eat with a dessert of saltines with jam. "This isn't working on any level," I thought. "I'm not having it."
"Well," I blurted out, "this will be my last day working here because I found a vegan restaurant to work at." (A lie.)
"Ok." She replied tartly. I could tell she was absolutely pissed. She walked off in a quiet huff.
Inside my head I was thinking, "What am I doing?! I don't have another job! But that felt so good!"
And then my boss was back. I was still upfront steaming clothes, she wanted to appear as if she had something to do upfront by the register but in actuality, she wanted to yell at me some more.
"Amy, I want to talk to you."
I joined her at the counter.
"I gave this job to you when I could have given it to someone else who needed it! And this is how you repay me?! What am I suppose to do now?!"
"When you gave me this job, you said it would be 30-40-hours a week and the next day you cut it to 20-25! And you haven't stuck with the schedule I said I needed to work another job"
"Well, the other girls say you're slow and so I needed to cut your hours!" (Mental red flag)
"I haven't been working here a week yet! And maybe I'm slow because I've been eating 3 cups of rice between two meals! I'm hungry! I am hungry!"
At this point of the very heated exchange, there was a concerned-looking customer waiting. My boss called another worker to the front. She was taken aback by my argument! She wasn't expecting it. If people described me, they would probably say I'm bubbly, nice, and always smiling, but I do feel that I am not someone who to be backed into a corner. I am a fierce defender of everyone's rights, including my own. I don't take shit I don't deserve.
My boss led me to the back of the store saying, "I'm sorry, Amy. I didn't know this was the situation."
What did she think? I was working here out of good will?!
In a much softer tone, she said that I didn't have to leave. She said she understood where I was coming from. She went on to say that she came to America 10 years ago with just $300 and was in a similar situation to me and now she is much more comfortable and some day I would be too. She asked if there was anyone I could ask for money, which there always is, but this relieves her of her duties as my employer and I didn't give her this easy out. I just said, I needed a job that gave me enough money to live. She understood this and said we could work together on a better schedule.
"But," I said, "I don't feel comfortable working here knowing the other girls keep telling you I'm slow."
"They didn't actually say that, I just needed a reason to give you less hours." My boss said this sentence like it was nothing. Like she had instead told me my co-workers said I wear more red than most people. She didn't seem to know why this was such a serious offense. To this day, this puzzles me.
In her defense, I know that the owner of GSCS was always on her case and always putting pressure on her. I learned this in just my few days of working there. This stress just gets misplaced to the lowly sales associates at GSCS and these people probably go home and take it out on other people. Can you imagine the affect a positive attitude from the owner of GSCS could have?
Although this woman said she would work with me on the schedule, the next day (and my last day), I looked on the schedule and my name was gone. I remember worrying slightly but still feeling confident that I could pull through this. I was right. In a few days, I was hired to work at local grocery store just 7-minutes walking distance from my house (a stroll compared to GSC being 45-minutes away) and although my vegan-self had to struggle, this was a better job, with dependable hours, and it got me something I had never gotten before in my 8-years of working shit jobs. A promotion. Although it was still a shit job, it was an undeniable and somewhat-undeserved-ego booster, and I'm happy to look back on all that has happened this year.
What I learned from this is to a.) trust my instincts. When the GSCS boss was telling me the girls were saying I was slow, I knew something wasn't right. There was an indescribable flag from the beginning. But I ignored it because I couldn't fathom someone making it up. b.) Stand up for myself when needed. I'm not often in a situation that I need to but had I not fought back, I would have always regretted it. Usually when I learn something, I learn it by doing it wrong the first time, but I can't think of a time when I let something go for myself or for others. There was a near slip-up and that taught me a lot. c.) No matter what happens, I'll pull through. The Veganic Witch is a YouTuber who opened my eyes to veganism but there are so many other lessons she taught me.
The Veganic Witch made a pair of videos about self-esteem and confidence and these videos have some of the most invaluable words of wisdom I have ever heard. The Veganic Witch says of self-esteem, "Self-Esteem is what others tell us and then what we eventually tell ourselves." She goes on to define confidence as "Your faith and belief that no matter what happens, you'll pull through."
When times get tough, I play this sound bite of "No matter what happens, you'll pull through" like a mantra because while I know that there are lots of people in this world who have it tougher than me, I know that what I've overcome is no joke. And I continue to overcome new things every day and I don't take out negativity on other people. Generally. And I don't ever forget how good I have it. To me, it's not pulling through unless you are truly happy at the other side and happiness is ultimately a decision. It's also a kick in the nuts to anyone trying to make you feel otherwise.
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