Vegan Pledge

Peace Advocacy Network

This month I have been participating in a 30-day vegan pledge program with PAN (Peace Advocacy Network).  It has been good for me to be around other vegans.  Although Philadelphia is a good place to be vegan, I'm not good at getting out. I need to work on that.

At any rate, the non-profit group PAN, works to help people who want to go vegan but who are still a little nervous.  I am a mentor to someone who like me, started as a long-time vegetarian and wanted to make the change to go vegan.  My biggest hope was that this person would stay vegan and this week she sent me an email saying she was committed to making the life change.  How exciting!

As I am becoming more aware of what other people are doing, I feel like I am not doing nearly enough.  I listen to podcasts, read blogs, and now have real-life contact with people who are really getting the movement going, and what am I doing?  I'm just barely getting by.  I need a better job so I can be a better activist.  I have plans but not the resources to create them.  How do people work, live, and create social change?  Do you have to pick and choose?  I would like to pick and choose live and create social change but that doesn't seem to be an option.

  

Inside the Box

When I clean my room, I generally pick up all the obvious stuff first.  I hang up my clothes or put them in the hamper, I put things in the drawers they belong in, and I recycle/throw things out as needed.  At this point I am left with stuff I don't want to throw out but maybe I should or things I need to organize better.  What do I do now?  I put this stuff in a pile by my bed or in a corner and there it stays for a month until I'm in the mood to clean again.  When I am in the mood to clean again, I generally shift through the pile again but the problem remains more or less the same.  So, I put everything in a box.  I tell myself I will sort through it when I have nothing better to do.  Today I looked for jobs, watched a movie with my roommate, played my ukulele, and sorted through a box of miscellaneous odds and ends.  Best of all, I documented it as I went so I could blog about it.  Here are the highlights:

• Toy Story 3 - My sister gave it to my for Christmas but I haven't watched it yet because I know that it will cry and I haven't felt like crying yet.

• A bunch of viola music.

• A business card from a small shop I did some X-mas shopping in 2 Christmases ago.  I met Tony Danza that day.  I told him I loved him in Angels in the Outfield.

• Photocopied chapters for my Global Slavery.  I'm keeping them because they are easily applicable to the way animals are enslaved today.

• A black tank top that is too small but I wear to bed sometimes.

• Paycheck from the Franklin Institute.

• Pictures from 24-Hour Movie Marathons.

• Fresh Prince of Bel-Air back card from Blockbuster.

• A heartfelt letter I found in a donated book when I worked at a used bookstore.

• A list of songs I want to write for my musical based on living in this apartment with my roommates.  

• Pencils my friend Zo gave me for my B-day.

• Lady Gaga gloves from the DJ at my old roommates wedding.  I'm wearing them now.  Maybe I'll wear them to work tomorrow.

• Movie ticket stub to The Box.  Awesome movie.

• 3 movie ticket stubs to Julie and Julia from when I went with my family.

• Toy Story 3 ticket stubs.

• A large, plastic coin with the 10 commandments on it put in my viola case when I was busking.

After going through the box, I put my viola music together and into a bag that I found in the box.  I recycled somethings.  The smaller things like tickets and business cards I put in small boxes I found in the bigger box.  As I sorted through everything I thought, the way I deal with a messy room is a lot like the way I deal with messes in my life.  I put them in smaller containers where I don't have to see or worry about them and they stay more or less the same for longer than they should.  Some of these problems are beyond my control and others are not.  For those I can fix, I should.  For those I can't, I aspire to do something creative with like write a song or movie.  In doing so, my problems might not be fixed per say but at least they would be organized and nice to look at.   

Whew!

I'm finally all caught up on my blogs! Well, that's almost true. My book blog is still almost 2 months behind but I need to read more books to fix that problem. Considering my movie and my vegan blog were both about a month and a half behind and this blog was lagging a couple weeks, the improvement feels immensely satisfying.

Catching up required about three nights of working until at least 5 in the morning. This past week has felt productive though strange in terms of hours. It's like I get off work and I have another shift.  Since writing is something I enjoy, it's a entirely different feeling.  A good one!  I enjoy the feeling on being able to sit, be warm, eat, drink, and use the bathroom as needed.  And I love the feeling for doing something I love.    

Is it deceitful to play catch up and change the post dates? I hope not. I don't want to be deceitful, I just want to be up-to-date!

I Can't Think of a Good Name for My Ukulele...

I've been playing my ukulele pretty consistently since I got it for my birthday a month ago.  With a full-time job, I don't have the kind of time writing, practicing, and socializing requires.  I have to pick and choose.  This is why I've fallen behind on my blogs.  I feel guilty for always choosing my ukulele, especially in regards to my vegan blog because I care so much about it.  It's just that I come home from work feel completely deflated.  Once I come through my bedroom door, I put my things down, I instinctively find myself reaching for my uke.  As I play though the song I worked on the night before to see what stuck, my uneasiness from work dissipates and I feel ok again.  Then I shower, eat, catch up on online stuff, find a new song to try, sleep, and everything starts over again.

Despite the ukulele's happy-go-lucky image, I can't help but feel hardcore as I push on my calluses at my cash register at work.   

Paper or Plastic?

Last year at this time, I was awarded a piece of paper that says I went somewhere, learned a bunch of stuff, and paid a bunch of money.  Since this time, I have been paying back a lot of this money (though I've barely dented the debt).

I've been working shit jobs for a little over a year now.  Other people can do it and I think no less of them.  It's a different kind of smart that allows a person to just be content.  A different kind of smart that escapes me.  Some of my co-workers have been asking "paper or plastic?" for 12 + years.  I can't do this though.  These jobs tear at me.  This sounds over-dramatic and it is.  I know that things could be much worse.  I just wish I could be creating something meaningful or helpful.  I feel worthless knowing that I am contributing so little to the world.  I have so much enthusiasm, intelligence, creativity, and kindness, that I know I could give much more.  I deserve more too.  Not necessarily money though, I'd take it.   

"I'm just scared that it's not going to get any better than this."  ~ Edward D. Wood Jr. ~ Ed Wood