Not A Day Off For the Animals

The day I'm writing about is April 20th, 2011.

As I got ready for the day, it crossed my mind that I was a little crazy to be spending one of my rare days off being so busy with vegan activism.  Then I considered two things.

1.)  I'm happiest when I'm doing vegan activism (among other things I love doing).
2.)  The animals never get a day off.

So I spent a large portion of the day putting these together.

They are envelopes on which I painted "You're invited to Veganism".  Inside there's a card that says, "What's with the invite?  VEGANISM is a celebration of all life.  Learn more-->" On the inside of the card I put a vegan "business" card.  Also inside the envelope I put a PAN handout which had all kinds of interesting information.  So I put about 45 of these together, threw together a new vegan shirt, and then I walked to the library with Wayne Pacelle was scheduled to talk about his new book The Bond: Our Kinship with Animals, Our Call to Defend Them.  

I was volunteering at the library on this night.  My jobs were to make sure no one sat in the first two rows because those seats were reserved with people who were associates of Wayne and to handle the microphone during the Q & A session at the end of the talk.  Wayne talked a lot about very specific travesties happening to animals.  Things like dog fighting, seal clubbing, horse meat, etc.  I don't like any of these things but the thing is, all animal use is unnecessary and I don't like any of it.  I don't see a point in talking to people about these very limited topics.  No, actually, I do see a point.  I understand that if you have a large percent of the population agreeing with something that is very easy to agree with, chances are, you'll be able to get some money out of this large population.  So, I get it.  But the talk just aggravated me so much!  All those people there, clearly, deeply interested in animal rights, and no mention of veganism!  What the hell?!  If you gave people a chance, they could get it!  But no, you spend the last seven-minutes of a 45-minute lecture talking about Asian shark fin soup.

There were various questions.  One that sticks out to me is a woman who was very passionately asking about stray cats.

"...they're behind every school, in every alley, in every barn, in nearly every place in the world.  What is HSUS doing for them?"

Wayne talked about various problems but the answer was lackluster and it was clear that the woman was not satisfied with the answer. 

Originally, I had planned to ask a question kindly suggested by a friend of mine.  But Asian shark fin soup had me so irritated that I switched gears.  I'll never know for sure if I made the right decision but watching everyone shake their heads in disgust as Wayne described the shark killing process really made my blood boil. 

I was the last person to ask a question and I asked, "You mentioned Asian shark fin soup and I'm wondering, what is the difference between shark fin soup and any other non-vegan food.  It's all unnecessary and it's all cruel.  We don't need animal products to survive.  All the animals used for food are treated equally cruelly and it's all not needed, so what's the difference because between shark fin soup and anything else that's not vegan."

Wayne replied, "I think what you're saying is we can live healthy without animal products so why not be vegetarian --"

"Vegan." I said.

"Vegan." He repeated.  "Well, it is true that we don't need animal products to live but for me I separate what is more cruel and what is more wasteful and to me, cutting fins off of sharks and throwing them back in the ocean just that.  But I understand the point you're making."

That was nearly as good of an answer as I could have expected.   

After the talk, I walked up the lobby with everyone else.  As a volunteer, during the book signings my assignment is to help people get their books personalized.  That involves writing their names on a post-it note, sticking the post-it on the book jacket, and folding the jacket on the title page.  As I did this, I gave anyone who wanted one an envelope.  I was pleasantly surprised that some people were already vegan!  How lovely!

While all this was going on, there was a vegan cake also in the lobby.  This cake was made by Vegan Treats, a heaven-sent bakery whose tasty slices leave me daydreaming for more nearly every day.

The owner was standing by the cake which shaped like a dog with a well-wishing, edible sign.  The cake was free for anyone at the event or even hanging out at the library.  There were also other Vegan Treat employees and an Animal Planet camera crew working on a special about Vegan Treats!  How exciting!

Once I was finished with my post-it job and handing out my info, I started a conversation with one of the Vegan Treat workers.  I was given a piece of cake though soon I gave the piece to a library-goer who was curious about what was going on.  I gave him the cake with an enthusiastic explanation that this cake was vegan meaning it was made with no animal products.

"So there's no milk, eggs, butter, or any other animal products in this!"  I told him.  He was intrigued and once he took a bite he was thrilled!  I helped myself to another piece of course!

Then, I got in line to get my book signed.  While in line, I spoke with the woman who had voiced her concern about feral cats.  She told me that she was very upset about how little Wayne addressed the problem with cats.  I told her that Gary Francione works with feral cats in New Jersey.  She was hopeful and interested.  I gave her an envelope and encouraged her to check out the abolition website and she could contact Gary through the site or the connected forum.  This seemed to help her frustration.  I was surprised and happy to learn that she was vegan!

Once I got the the front of the line, I talked to Wayne as he signed my book.  He thanked me for my question and said that he could tell I was very passionate about animal rights.  This is how he signed my book.

And this is how I fixed it.

I also gave Wayne one of my envelopes. 

I left the building unsure if anyone's mind was completely changed but glad that I had come.  On my walk home I realized, had I not been there, the word "vegan" would never have been mentioned.  I was proud of myself.  "It's a sad state for animal rights," I thought, "but at least I was there."

"Conan and Tina are in love!"

Despite my best intentions, I am still a selfish person at heart.  At least, sometimes I am.  But, I still put in the time to allow myself to be selfish.  Point in case, volunteering at the library.

Two or three months ago, I met a friend at the library to hang out.  As we were leaving the beautiful, historical building, my friend stopped to look at a volunteer flier.

"You can meet Tina Fey that way," the nearby security guard informed us.

There are only three names that I would have cared about in that sentence.  Tina Fey was one of them, Mel Brooks and Conan O'Brien were the other two.

I took a flier and filled out an application at home.  I made a special trip to the library on a rainy day to drop the form off.  I scheduled and went for an interview to volunteer.  I was accepted as a volunteer.  Upon my acceptance, I was told that the Tina Fey event was full, even for volunteers, but I still did not give up.  I thought I could charm my way or sneak my way into the Enchantress' event.  I told my work I would no longer be available on Tuesdays because I was volunteering at the library.  Really, the library was very flexible, I just wanted to be sure I'd be free on Tuesday because that's when Tina was coming.  Requesting off didn't seem like a demanding enough way to be sure I wouldn't be scheduled.  I volunteered for three author events.  I posted Book Festival posters around the city in coffee shops and grocery stores.  I kept the volunteer coordinator updated to the places I left our advertisements.  April 12th came, and so did the rain.

My shoes and pant legs were soaked by the time I finished my walk to the library but I was excited because after all my planning and hoping, the day was finally here.  I lied about the planning.  I didn't really have a plan.  I was just hoping they would let me stay.  The worst thing that could happen was they would tell me to, "Beat it, Kid!  Go home!"  But they didn't.

Upon seeing me, the kindly volunteer coordinator asked what I was doing there.

"Just thought you might need some extra help if it got busier than you expected."

"Yeah, just stand here and don't let anyone go downstairs without a ticket.  And hand these out to anyone who wants them."  He gave me a small pile of brochures describing Tina Fey's many accomplishments and awards.

There were five rooms of people wanting to see Tina Fey.  The one downstairs would "see" her.  The other four would see a live simulcast.  I was in one of the other four rooms.  Tina Fey came on the stage after four people introduced her.  Although I wasn't seeing her in the flesh I was excited to be seeing her just the same.

Tina Fey talked about her book and her different inspirations.  She really inspired me.  I can't point to anything in particular that inspired me which sounds very lame to be so broad about something so profound.  But, I felt changed after the talk.  I felt renewed.

As her talk began to wind down, people started lining up to get their book signed.  For book signing, there were a few rules:

1.) Ms. Fey was only signing the book.  Nothing else.
2.) There was a 5 book limit.
3.) No personalizing.
4.) No pictures.
5.) Very little to no small talk.

Reading these rules makes the Greek Goddess seem rigid but if you had seen the line, you would understand.  This line was long.  It easily could have gone on for hours and hours but because there were rules, it went on for about a half-an-hour.  Not too shabby.

Because I was a selfless-volunteer, I felt entitled to break the rules.  And because my sister had been giving me the silent treatment for literally months (two months and counting), I was determined to get my book signed for her.  Whatever I had done (which is still a mystery to me) would have to be forgiven with something as meaningful as a signed Tina Fey book.  I stuck a post-it on the cover page and after assisting as much as volunteerily possible, I added myself to the end of the line.

By this time, there wasn't much longer to wait.  I started a conversation with a girl about my age who seemed to be something of a Tina Fey groupie.  I don't think they have sex, but this girl still does an awful lot of following.  This girl told me that she had met Tina at a Date Night premier and Tina had invited her to work for a day at 30 Rock as a production assistant.  As a struggling film graduate, I considered my comfort in callousness.

"Maybe if I became friends with this person I could...nope, can't do it."

Now, I was at the front of the line.  Already?!  Wait, I haven't mentally prepared!!!  But it was too late.  I handed my book to the dude in charge of the author events.  I had talked to him a few times and a few times I saw him as he shopped at my store.  So it was a little awkward when he open my book and removed my sneaky post-it note.

"I know a Mitchi," he said.

I wanted to say, "No you don't!  No one knows a Mitchi!  No one but me!"  But there wasn't any time and I was now standing before Her.

Quickly, I slipped my hand into the back pocket of my jeans.  Tina signed the book and I passed her my Social Security Card.  There was a serious-looking yellow-haired* woman standing next to her.

"That's not the book." She said, tapping at the card with her pointer finger, as if she has the only person who could realize this difference.  Tina was already picking it up and examining it.

"Won't it mess it up if I sign it?"  She asked in a parental way.

"Well, Conan's already signed it." I replied.  

"Okay."  She scribbled her signature onto my card and then drew plus-sign between her name and Conan's and a heart around their names.  She jested, "Now Conan and Tina are in love!"

"Thanks!"  I said.  "Mission accomplished!"  I thought.

I walked away happy.  My months of selfishness had paid off.  Now, how to get to Mel Brooks?

*I'm reading and enjoying the book now though I still intend to give it to my sister.  Tina Fey writes in Bossypants about how calling yellow hair "blond" implies extra specialness.  An interesting point.